The "Truth Box"- The Trendy Way to Bully & Harass

The Trendy Way to Bully

"I can't believe someone thinks that I'm hooking up with her boyfriend!" Crying and sputtering out her words, my client frantically said over the phone. "Why are people so mean?"

After doing my best to comfort and calm her down, we decided to meet in person and talk about what had happened.

In short, this young woman had placed a new application on her MySpace profile called the "Truth Box" which allows others to anonymously post comments. There is a similar add-on called the "Honesty Box" for FaceBook, with dozens of other "Truth" type applications available for various social networking sites.

My client had placed the application on her profile to get feedback and "just for fun," as she put it. Although she received many great comments and compliments, she (as I expected) focused on two negative comments that were hurtful.

If you aren't prepared for the answers, don't ask the question.

In wanting the positive comments and feedback from her friends she was looking for approval and she did indeed get some, but she was unprepared for the negative consequences.

After some discussion, she decided to remove the "Truth Box" from her profile and we spoke about her "need" (I used "strong desire") to know what others really thought about her. Although she said her main concern was to improve herself and feel better, she admitted that she was still hung up on finding out who had posted the mean comments. Even weeks later she was still trying to figure out who had said what and was asking friends to ask their friends.

The Hack or Track Test

I posted a similar application on my profile for two days as a test. With one of the programs, I was able to see the profiles of those who made comments. Here is what I used:

1. Go to the truth you want to reveal

2. Click "Block" (either 1 week or forever, it doesn't matter)

3. Go to Account Settings from your home page

4. Go to "Privacy"

5. Look for "Block Users"

6. Click "[View List]"

7. the person you blocked is in that list!

This only worked for one of the "Truth" applications (out of four) that I used, but my point was to let others know that these applications can be hacked or tracked.

Multitasking May Slow Us Down

This is an article on multitasking that I heard about on the radio recently.

Multitasking Teens May Be Muddling Their Brains
by Jon Hamilton


Morning Edition, October 9, 2008 ·

Doing several things at once can feel so productive. But scientists say switching rapidly between tasks can actually slow us down.

Even though modern technology allows people to perform more tasks at the same time, juggling tasks can make our brains lose connections to important information. Which means, in the end, it takes longer because we have to remind our brains what we were working on.

Zach Weinberg, a junior at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School, sits in front of his computer in his family home in suburban Maryland.

Within the span of seconds, Zach switches between e-mail, iTunes, Facebook, a computer word puzzle game and messaging his buddy online. Somewhere amid the flurry, Zach manages to squeeze in some homework, too.

While he is working on an algebra calculation, an instant message from his buddy Alex Donesky pops up on the screen. They chat about a French assignment for a few minutes, exchanging quips about Robespierre and Napoleon. Then Zach shifts his attention back to math, but not before changing to his favorite band on iTunes.

For the record, Alex and Zach are good students. And obviously they're good multitaskers, too.
Alex's mom, Barbara Donesky, says she's dazzled by the skill her son has developed, and how quickly he can click around on the computer and make things happen.
But she's afraid Alex is losing out on other skills.

"I want him to be able to concentrate. I want him to be able to focus," she says.
"I mean, it's my personal belief that all these things just fragment your ability to concentrate. And I see it in myself, you know, since I've started e-mailing and using the computer very regularly."

Multitasking: 'A Brownout In The Brain'
Scientists say she has reason to be worried — although there's not much data yet on teens.
David Meyer at the University of Michigan has spent the past few decades studying multitasking — mostly in adults. "For tasks that are at all complicated, no matter how good you have become at multitasking, you're still going to suffer hits against your performance. You will be worse compared to if you were actually concentrating from start to finish on the task," Meyer says.
Multitasking causes a kind of brownout in the brain. Meyer says all the lights go dim because there just isn't enough power to go around.

So, the brain starts shutting things down — things like neural connections to important information. When Alex clicks on a message, his brain starts losing the connections it was using for his French assignment. The pathway to Robespierre — fading fast. The path to Napoleon, not so clear anymore.

To restore those connections, Meyer says, Alex will have to repeat much of the thought process that created them in the first place.

The technical name for creating, or recreating, these neural pathways is "spreading activation." It involves building connections step by step. Meyer says it's similar to what we do when we free associate.

"I say to you, 'What do you think of when I say the word apple to you?' And you start vibing on apple. 'Oh, apple's a fruit, it fell on Newton's head. Newton was a physicist. He invented the first theory of gravity.' And on and on," Meyer says.

When we're interrupted, re-establishing those connections can take seconds or hours.
"It goes on subconsciously and eventually, if I'm lucky, I get back up to speed with what I was thinking about before," Meyer says.

Good In Small Doses
Zach concedes that multitasking might make him less efficient. But his friend Alex maintains that, in small doses, multitasking can help him stay alert — like when he listens to music and does a math problem at the same time.

"If I have only one thing, I drift off a little bit," Alex says. "But if there's something else going on in the background that I can just sort of block out, I feel like I can concentrate on something more — whereas if I'm only doing one thing, it's harder for me to concentrate."
Scientists say Zach has a point. Studies show it's pretty easy for us to keep music in the background when we focus on something else.

But when something in the background forces itself into your consciousness, you do get distracted. Such as when your computer announces: "You've got mail."
"Everybody does get distracted by it. But most people learn to get used to that distraction and when to say 'no, I've got to work, and I'm not going to give into this,' " Zach says.
Fighting Distractions

Saying no to distractions depends, in part, on being able to control your impulses — something that's not fully developed in a teenager's brain. And Alex says it's not easy for him. He says it's hard to give your full attention to any one thing when you're used to monitoring a screen full of options.

"You're teaching yourself to give 10 percent to each little icon. And then click away when there's a moment's pause," Alex says. In fact, Meyer says, our brains can get hooked to where "they literally need a fix of multitasking."

Addicted To Juggling Tasks?
There's not much research on the addictive nature of multitasking. But Meyer likens it to playing video games or skydiving: We all get a buzz from novelty and variety. Of course, when the stakes get higher, multitasking can stress you out.

"The brain areas that you would see light up and the biochemicals, the neurotransmitters that would be getting released would be quite different if I was an air traffic controller trying to land a whole bunch of planes at La Guardia Airport or wherever. I wouldn't be having pleasure then," Meyers says.

For teenagers like Zach and Alex, the experience of multitasking falls somewhere between the rush of skydiving and the anxiety of landing planes. Regardless, Alex says, it's all they know.
"Even for me right now — and I haven't been exposed to it that long — it's already natural to multitask in these ways," he says. "Like your will is, your heart is in that place where you are just wanting to multitask, and you're conditioned to it. That's how you're going to keep going."
Even, he says, when you don't want to.

Paying to Update Online Profiles?

In the whirlwind of work that seems to be surrounding so many people these days, I have found myself trying to catch up and desperately in need of an assistant. As most of my needs involve work on a computer, I decided to look into hiring a virtual assistant.

After speaking with several, I found one who seemed promising, and I was fascinated when I found that her list of services included updating online profiles on MySpace, FaceBook, LinkedIn and any other online social networking sites.

Why would someone need another person to update their profiles? I asked her, and she said that people were to busy to keep up with several profiles and also that she would add elements to a profile that would make it look better for employers, for college admissions, and even to make someone look better to friends and co-workers. I really thought that was something else, but after thinking about it for a while, it made more sense to me.

My theory is that when someone goes online to update their networking site profile, it is very easy to get distracted, check another email, look at the cool apps and add-ons that are available, and pretty soon the task of adding new photos and updating a profile takes hours instead of minutes.

When you or I go online to check out our friends' profiles or to update our own, we likely spend more time finishing the task. There are so many things to do, interesting games and applications, and pictures and videos to watch that we can get caught up in the distractions and really waste a lot of time (more on internet time-wasting later). On the other hand, when someone we hire goes online to complete a task, it is not for entertainment. Finishing the task requires paying attention to the amount of time spent given that a client is paying usually by the task or the hour.

Someone paying to update my profile would be less likely to waste time than I would, simply because he or she is working on MY profile and would be less likely to have to check out all the updates and comments of my friends, to look at a video or two, and to find out the latest hit single that is on the charts. I shared this with the assistant I was interviewing, and she was delighted and said that she would try it with her own online profiles compared with updating profiles for others.

This makes sense to me, but I would love to hear from others about my ideas. Please feel free to leave any comments or to email me at drfred@drfred.net

Talking to Your Children About Online Pornography

We are living in a world where technology sometimes moves faster than childhood development does. Unfortunately, kids are exposed to inappropriate material through the internet, on cell phones, and in video games and movies. The following is a situation I recently dealt with. The names have been changed and those involved have given me their permission (and approval) to share this story with you.

A few weeks ago I received a distressing phone call from the mother of a former student I had worked with. She wanted to schedule an appointment for her seven year old son and her husband because her son (the youngest of three children) had been upset about something and wouldn’t talk about it. He had come home from a play date at a friend’s house upset and clearly had been crying but wouldn’t say anything despite pleading, urging, and mild threats from his parents. Eventually he blurted out “well, I guess I want to be gay!” His parents had initially laughed and being the great parents they are, asked him why he suddenly came to this conclusion. Unbeknownst to me, the child’s oldest brother, who had formerly been my patient, had shared with his parents that he indeed felt that he was gay, and that, despite his athletic prowess and girlfriend/best-friend, that this was what he felt comfortable with. Mom and dad assumed that Tyler had heard some of this or somehow gotten the information and for some reason wanted to be like his big brother. They weren’t sure how to approach the subject with a first-grader, so they came to me. “Well, I guess it’s time for a visit with Dr Fred” his dad told him. In response Tyler asked “will he make it ok for me to be gay?” at which his parents laughed, reassuring him that “Dr Fred won’t try to make you anything. He just helps kids and moms and dads figure things out sometimes.”

After meeting briefly with the parents Tyler and I met and we began to talk and draw using colored markers. As we talked and drew, I asked him about what he had said to his parents and what he thought being gay meant. His response was “it means you don’t like girls because you think they’re gross!” Working hard to maintain my professional composure and not smile at his earnest declaration, I questioned him further: “Why would you think that girls are gross? Did someone say or do something that upset you?” He became very quiet and I feared the worst. I said “if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s ok, but would you feel better drawing about it?” He nodded, and took a fresh sheet of paper and started to draw some stick figures. As he continued in silence, he began drawing very large breasts on two of the figures, and then started to add other anatomically accurate details. I commented on this: “it looks like you are drawing ladies! Where are their bathing suits?” He looked up from his drawing nervously and said “they’re grown up girls because girls grow up to be ladies.” Then the tears came, he shared that he “tried to be brave” but had become upset and then had gotten in trouble at his friend’s house because his friend was using a sibling’s computer and they were playing online on Webkins, a children’s play site. Well, from there, the friend went out of his account and started browsing the internet, ending up at boobs.com. Tyler said he “knew (his friend) shouldn’t go there” but they were laughing and having fun. From there it got worse, as they saw links to other adult sites that were disturbing. They got caught by a housekeeper who yelled at them and made them turn off the computer. I asked him if it was ok if we had mom and dad come back in to tell them what happened.

With a look of dread on their faces, mom and dad eagerly came back in and sat down. Tyler had asked me not to show them the picture he drew, because he thought it was “not a polite picture” but agreed to tell them what really happened. We decided that “gay” was a word that sometimes kids use when they don’t really mean it. Tyler was (at seven years old!) well aware of the difference between the two ways kids and teens use the word “gay.” We talked about how gay did kind of mean what he thought; not that girls were gross and that you didn’t like them, but that you liked them in a different way, like you like your friends. Then we got down to sharing with mom and dad what had happened at his friend’s house. Tyler told his parents that then they saw other pictures that were not so funny, but was worried that he would get in trouble. He thought that if he told his parents he was gay, that he wouldn’t get in trouble and they would know that he wasn’t the one who had gone to boobs.com. We ended up laughing about it and Tyler said that he was glad he wasn’t going to have to be gay because his “girlfriend” gave him a valentine and said she would invite him to her birthday party.

This was a great learning opportunity for Tyler’s parents, as they had to tackle two tough issues at the same time. They ended up having a conversation with Tyler about what was acceptable online and what wasn’t, being careful not to blame him. Mom and dad talked with him about adult pictures and pornography, telling him that these were not healthy things for children. Mom and dad said they cared about his heart and his mind and that because they love him, they want to protect him from things that could hurt him. They shared that he needed to be careful about what he looked at online, especially at a friend’s house since their home computer was in a central location and Tyler had limited access to only a few sites. Tyler’s parents handled the situation extremely well and were honest and candid with him to the degree that it was appropriate for his age and the situation. I asked if I could share this story with others if I changed names and some minor details, and they wholeheartedly agreed, saying that they hope their experience could help others.

Talking to kids about internet safety and about online pornography is important for parents to do, given the accessibility of adult-oriented websites, spam emails, pop-up advertisements, and malicious emails or friend invites that redirect browsers to adult sites. It is important that parents don’t shy away from addressing these issues with children in the context of online safety. There are resources online that can help parents decide what is appropriate for children at a particular age such as Theporntalk.com that can help parents with the anxiety that comes with addressing this issue.

Cyber Bullies & Cyber Stalkers

I recently went to a continuing education seminar to get my continuing education credits and I was required to take a course on domestic violence. During the presentation, one of the new areas of concern that is being considered a form of domestic violence or harassment in many states is cyber stalking, or using the internet or other electronic means to harass someone. Although I have spoken often to parents and teens about cyber bullying, the statistics presented showed that adults are also using the internet to harass and bully other adults.

Cyberstalking can take place in many ways and the relative anonymity of the internet makes it attractive to those who want to cause distress to someone else. Getting dozens of harassing emails, instant-, or text messages is one form of harassment. I recently worked with a woman who had become angry with a friend over an issue with their children. In retaliation, the other mother posted negative comments about her former friend on a common social networking site, sent her the same email every day at least 40 to 50 times, and sent her children similar rude messages via email. In another case, the father of a patient of mine had an upset relative post very negative opinions about the father’s business on several websites that rate businesses. The negative claims were completely false, but were damaging and hurtful, requiring my client’s father to send many requests to different websites, asking that the negative ratings and comments be dropped (less than half of the websites agreed to delete the comments).

People tend to act tougher, meaner, and present their own chosen persona online because of the internet’s “disinhibition effect” where people let down their guard because of perceived anonymity and because they feel safer to speak their minds. In the case of domestic violence perpetrators, they may act tougher and more threatening online even though in real life they may be cowardly and insecure. Online harassment can be difficult to trace back to the abuser and also may have much longer-lasting effects than verbal (face to face) or emotional abuse. Even having to go through an email inbox to delete the messages from a perpetrator can be emotionally distressing.

Another form of harassment is something I myself have experienced, being on the receiving end of “flaming” or rude and inflammatory comments that others post on message boards. In my case, it was just post after post from someone who was angry with me because of my comments about the nature of online child molesters not as pedophiles (they tend to seek out younger teenagers and are not attracted to pre-pubertal children, which pedophiles technically are). It was easy enough for me to ask the webmaster to remove most of the comments, but before I even did that many others on the message board came out in support of me and there were some “flame wars” between other users who came to my defense.

As with children and teenagers, even online gaming is not without its bullies. Any time people connect with others online, be it through x-box live, or the many online role-playing games such as World of Warcraft, players can say rude or hurtful things to other players. The fact that oftentimes players of all ages from different locations interact with online gaming is an interesting conundrum to me, as I have been told of examples where less experienced “newbies” experience harassment from more advanced players, even when the more advanced players are children and the newer ones are adults!

What can be done about online harassment and cyber-stalking from adults? The suggestions I have are similar to those for cyberbullying with kids and teens: First, save messages or print hard copies if you think you may need to prove your case to anyone. Block users from your email address list (sometimes email sites have a “black list” option that lets users reject email from certain addresses). Do not allow anyone to post on any social networking site such as FaceBook, MySpace, Friendster, or Linkedin without making sure you check the option to approve comments. On websites, report harassing posts or comments to the webmaster. Block text messages and phone numbers from those who are harassing you.

The important thing is to recognize online abuse for what it is and to take steps to protect yourself or those you love. It is sad when adults have to revert to online or other electronic means to try to scare, manipulate, and punish others. While cyber-bullying laws are starting to show up in state legislatures more and more, oftentimes the telephone based harassment laws do not apply to online stalking or bullying. I have heard of a recent case in which the perpetrator was harassing his ex-wife by sending dozens of text messages but had also been emailing unflattering photos of her to everyone on her email address list. Although the court decided the text messages, as they were telephone based, were covered under the protective laws, there had been no precedent for harassing emails. The case has not been settled, but that alone is causing tremendous emotional distress for the woman involved as well as for their children.

Privacy and protection from emotional abuse through any electronic means is critical, especially for children and for anyone who has been the victim of emotional or physical abuse. We must work with legislators to insist upon bullying laws that include electronic means for both children as well as adults. In the meantime, be sure to protect yourself and share any ideas you may have learned with friends or family members who may be exposed to online harassment.

University offers Master of Science Degree in CyberPsychology

Follow the link below to see a YouTube video on the new Cyber Psychology masters of science degree from IADT in Dun Laoghaire, Ireland.

Click Here to see the IADT PsyberPsychology course video introduction

About M.Sc. in Cyberpsychology

Cyberpsychology is the study of the human mind and behaviour in the context of human-technology interaction. It encompasses all psychological phenomena that are associated with or impacted by emerging technology.

Cyberpsychology studies human interactions with other emerging technologies, including the internet, mobile computing, mobile phones, PDAs, games consoles, virtual reality, digital media and any other technology which has demonstrated an ability to alter human behaviours. It considers the impact of evolving trends, such as technological convergence, on individuals. Cyberpsychology also examines human interactions with less ubiquitous technologies, such as cyborgs and artificial intelligence.

Aims and Objectives

The programme aims to provide graduates with an in-depth understanding of how humans interact with technology and in online environments. On completion of the programme you will be able to:

• Identify key psychological concepts relevant to the virtual world Research how people use current technologies
• Analyse changing patterns of technology use
• Predict emerging and future trends in technology use
• Advise on the use of current technologies
• Critique the field of Cyberpsychology
• Apply appropriate psychological research methods to the Internet
• Complete a piece of research in Cyberpsychology
• Work within an online community
• Reflect on the impact of the cyberworld on human life

Internet “Addictions” /Compulsive Online Behavior

I recently heard comments on a call-in telephone show regarding a grandparent who was upset that his grandson no longer had time for him because the grandson was “addicted” to the internet and to online video games. Many times I have had people (especially parents) ask me “how much is too much?” when it comes to time spent online, be it playing games, customizing an online profile, writing and answering emails, posting on message boards, etc. While I encourage parents to set limits on the time their children spend online, it is difficult to know how much time children or teens are spending online because most cellular phones have internet access, as do many portable electronic games.

In strict technical terms, an addiction is something that causes physical dependence, in that your body needs more and more to get the same effect, you experience withdrawal symptoms, and you are causing significant harm to your social, educational, work, or personal life. While I have had teenagers freak out for a few days when their cell phones, I-pods, computers, and video game systems have been taken away (or if they are just out of use for some reason) usually they bounce back to normal. We all see people every day who are attached to their blackberries, Bluetooth headsets, trying to hold a cell phone, talking to someone else, and driving (usually slowly, without using signals, or without paying attention to the road). How attached are we to our electronic devices?

What I am calling compulsive internet behavior is when a person is spending so much time online, that he or she is neglecting in-person social connections, gets caught up in the “internet time warp” in that they spend hours and hours online without realizing how much time has passed, or when someone absolutely has to check email or instant messages every few hours (or even minutes!) Think of how much time you would have if you only checked your email twice a week? I tried that for a while and it was tough, especially since I have several email accounts and was anxious to hear from friends or family members.

Many teenagers I talk to spend a tremendous time online in one way or another, but don’t see themselves as dependent upon the internet. They use it for so many things (finding new music, connecting with friends, looking at products to buy, creating profiles that look cool) that it has become part of their everyday life. However it is not only teenagers who seem to be spending more and more time online. I worked with a stay-at-home mom who spent an average of 6 hours per day posting on craft websites, shopping on eBay, and adding “sparkle” (her term, not mine) to her MySpace profile, which at last glance was an impressive array of recent photos, glittery messages, and holiday greetings. We worked together to help her set limits on her online time and after a few difficult weeks, she found herself feeling better physically as well as being more comfortable “unplugged” for a day or two at a time.

An area where the term “addiction” may be more applicable is regarding online pornography. Although I don’t recall the source offhand, I recall reading a scholarly journal article on the chemical changes related to looking for more and more pornographic images online. Sexually explicit material is so easy to find online, that those I have treated for their compulsive search for pornography online say they started often in their early teens, a time when hormones are raging and curiosity about sex is tremendous). When looking for sexual imagery online, those I have worked with personally tell me that they are never satisfied with looking at one or two images, but often spend hours and hours looking for their favorites, a “better” picture or video, or combination that will satisfy them (and the cycle usually picks up again). They spend much more time than they realize when I ask them to log their hours online.

Online games are another area of interest to me, as there is always another level to reach, other players to beat, and another new game to try. I find kids and teens (mostly boys) spending up to ten hours a day playing games online! Even more concerning are some of the dad’s who are getting “hooked” on online RPG’s (role-playing games). These games are fun! They always present a new challenge, are visually captivating, and are a tremendous way to waste time if they are overused. A dad whose son I had been working with, recently confiscated his son’s video game console because of an issue with grades and a curfew violation. While dad had the video game, he started playing one of the online games, and after a weekend of playing for over 12 hours per day, he came to me with red eyes, sore thumbs, and said “this stuff is like crack for someone with ADHD like me!” Needless to say, he was very technologically savvy and came away with an appreciation for his son’s decision to play video games for hours at a time.

When parents complain to me, I encourage them to set limits, but also to ask themselves whether they would prefer their child playing games at home or with a friend or out getting in trouble by drinking, using drugs, or street-racing (an increasingly popular pastime on a quiet street near my office.) Then, I suggest they consider computer or video game time as a privilege that can be earned but also revoked when their children don’t comply with their responsibilities.

Those of us who are older need to realize that the younger generations are more dependent upon online behavior than we may perhaps be. If you think you have a problem with spending too much time online, ask friends, family, or a professional about it. Try going “unplugged” for a few days and try it with your children too. Taking a break can remind us of other things we enjoy doing and can refresh our minds. Try out checking your email every other day, instead of every day. Let those who communicate with you know that you will respond within a certain time, but that they shouldn’t expect an immediate response, unless there is an emergency, and in such a case, suggest another way for someone to reach you. Taking a break can lead to less pains and aches in our fingers, necks, and thumbs, and can give our eyes a break too. Too much of anything is of course a problem and the internet is no different. It is just that there are so many different things we can do online, that the actual hours we spend may not seemingly add up when we keep track of them. Do yourself a favor and unplug for a few hours today!