Cyberstalking can take place in many ways and the relative anonymity of the internet makes it attractive to those who want to cause distress to someone else. Getting dozens of harassing emails, instant-, or text messages is one form of harassment. I recently worked with a woman who had become angry with a friend over an issue with their children. In retaliation, the other mother posted negative comments about her former friend on a common social networking site, sent her the same email every day at least 40 to 50 times, and sent her children similar rude messages via email. In another case, the father of a patient of mine had an upset relative post very negative opinions about the father’s business on several websites that rate businesses. The negative claims were completely false, but were damaging and hurtful, requiring my client’s father to send many requests to different websites, asking that the negative ratings and comments be dropped (less than half of the websites agreed to delete the comments).
People tend to act tougher, meaner, and present their own chosen persona online because of the internet’s “disinhibition effect” where people let down their guard because of perceived anonymity and because they feel safer to speak their minds. In the case of domestic violence perpetrators, they may act tougher and more threatening online even though in real life they may be cowardly and insecure. Online harassment can be difficult to trace back to the abuser and also may have much longer-lasting effects than verbal (face to face) or emotional abuse. Even having to go through an email inbox to delete the messages from a perpetrator can be emotionally distressing.
Another form of harassment is something I myself have experienced, being on the receiving end of “flaming” or rude and inflammatory comments that others post on message boards. In my case, it was just post after post from someone who was angry with me because of my comments about the nature of online child molesters not as pedophiles (they tend to seek out younger teenagers and are not attracted to pre-pubertal children, which pedophiles technically are). It was easy enough for me to ask the webmaster to remove most of the comments, but before I even did that many others on the message board came out in support of me and there were some “flame wars” between other users who came to my defense.
As with children and teenagers, even online gaming is not without its bullies. Any time people connect with others online, be it through x-box live, or the many online role-playing games such as World of Warcraft, players can say rude or hurtful things to other players. The fact that oftentimes players of all ages from different locations interact with online gaming is an interesting conundrum to me, as I have been told of examples where less experienced “newbies” experience harassment from more advanced players, even when the more advanced players are children and the newer ones are adults!
What can be done about online harassment and cyber-stalking from adults? The suggestions I have are similar to those for cyberbullying with kids and teens: First, save messages or print hard copies if you think you may need to prove your case to anyone. Block users from your email address list (sometimes email sites have a “black list” option that lets users reject email from certain addresses). Do not allow anyone to post on any social networking site such as FaceBook, MySpace, Friendster, or Linkedin without making sure you check the option to approve comments. On websites, report harassing posts or comments to the webmaster. Block text messages and phone numbers from those who are harassing you.
The important thing is to recognize online abuse for what it is and to take steps to protect yourself or those you love. It is sad when adults have to revert to online or other electronic means to try to scare, manipulate, and punish others. While cyber-bullying laws are starting to show up in state legislatures more and more, oftentimes the telephone based harassment laws do not apply to online stalking or bullying. I have heard of a recent case in which the perpetrator was harassing his ex-wife by sending dozens of text messages but had also been emailing unflattering photos of her to everyone on her email address list. Although the court decided the text messages, as they were telephone based, were covered under the protective laws, there had been no precedent for harassing emails. The case has not been settled, but that alone is causing tremendous emotional distress for the woman involved as well as for their children.
Privacy and protection from emotional abuse through any electronic means is critical, especially for children and for anyone who has been the victim of emotional or physical abuse. We must work with legislators to insist upon bullying laws that include electronic means for both children as well as adults. In the meantime, be sure to protect yourself and share any ideas you may have learned with friends or family members who may be exposed to online harassment.
.JPG)