Internet “Addictions” /Compulsive Online Behavior

I recently heard comments on a call-in telephone show regarding a grandparent who was upset that his grandson no longer had time for him because the grandson was “addicted” to the internet and to online video games. Many times I have had people (especially parents) ask me “how much is too much?” when it comes to time spent online, be it playing games, customizing an online profile, writing and answering emails, posting on message boards, etc. While I encourage parents to set limits on the time their children spend online, it is difficult to know how much time children or teens are spending online because most cellular phones have internet access, as do many portable electronic games.

In strict technical terms, an addiction is something that causes physical dependence, in that your body needs more and more to get the same effect, you experience withdrawal symptoms, and you are causing significant harm to your social, educational, work, or personal life. While I have had teenagers freak out for a few days when their cell phones, I-pods, computers, and video game systems have been taken away (or if they are just out of use for some reason) usually they bounce back to normal. We all see people every day who are attached to their blackberries, Bluetooth headsets, trying to hold a cell phone, talking to someone else, and driving (usually slowly, without using signals, or without paying attention to the road). How attached are we to our electronic devices?

What I am calling compulsive internet behavior is when a person is spending so much time online, that he or she is neglecting in-person social connections, gets caught up in the “internet time warp” in that they spend hours and hours online without realizing how much time has passed, or when someone absolutely has to check email or instant messages every few hours (or even minutes!) Think of how much time you would have if you only checked your email twice a week? I tried that for a while and it was tough, especially since I have several email accounts and was anxious to hear from friends or family members.

Many teenagers I talk to spend a tremendous time online in one way or another, but don’t see themselves as dependent upon the internet. They use it for so many things (finding new music, connecting with friends, looking at products to buy, creating profiles that look cool) that it has become part of their everyday life. However it is not only teenagers who seem to be spending more and more time online. I worked with a stay-at-home mom who spent an average of 6 hours per day posting on craft websites, shopping on eBay, and adding “sparkle” (her term, not mine) to her MySpace profile, which at last glance was an impressive array of recent photos, glittery messages, and holiday greetings. We worked together to help her set limits on her online time and after a few difficult weeks, she found herself feeling better physically as well as being more comfortable “unplugged” for a day or two at a time.

An area where the term “addiction” may be more applicable is regarding online pornography. Although I don’t recall the source offhand, I recall reading a scholarly journal article on the chemical changes related to looking for more and more pornographic images online. Sexually explicit material is so easy to find online, that those I have treated for their compulsive search for pornography online say they started often in their early teens, a time when hormones are raging and curiosity about sex is tremendous). When looking for sexual imagery online, those I have worked with personally tell me that they are never satisfied with looking at one or two images, but often spend hours and hours looking for their favorites, a “better” picture or video, or combination that will satisfy them (and the cycle usually picks up again). They spend much more time than they realize when I ask them to log their hours online.

Online games are another area of interest to me, as there is always another level to reach, other players to beat, and another new game to try. I find kids and teens (mostly boys) spending up to ten hours a day playing games online! Even more concerning are some of the dad’s who are getting “hooked” on online RPG’s (role-playing games). These games are fun! They always present a new challenge, are visually captivating, and are a tremendous way to waste time if they are overused. A dad whose son I had been working with, recently confiscated his son’s video game console because of an issue with grades and a curfew violation. While dad had the video game, he started playing one of the online games, and after a weekend of playing for over 12 hours per day, he came to me with red eyes, sore thumbs, and said “this stuff is like crack for someone with ADHD like me!” Needless to say, he was very technologically savvy and came away with an appreciation for his son’s decision to play video games for hours at a time.

When parents complain to me, I encourage them to set limits, but also to ask themselves whether they would prefer their child playing games at home or with a friend or out getting in trouble by drinking, using drugs, or street-racing (an increasingly popular pastime on a quiet street near my office.) Then, I suggest they consider computer or video game time as a privilege that can be earned but also revoked when their children don’t comply with their responsibilities.

Those of us who are older need to realize that the younger generations are more dependent upon online behavior than we may perhaps be. If you think you have a problem with spending too much time online, ask friends, family, or a professional about it. Try going “unplugged” for a few days and try it with your children too. Taking a break can remind us of other things we enjoy doing and can refresh our minds. Try out checking your email every other day, instead of every day. Let those who communicate with you know that you will respond within a certain time, but that they shouldn’t expect an immediate response, unless there is an emergency, and in such a case, suggest another way for someone to reach you. Taking a break can lead to less pains and aches in our fingers, necks, and thumbs, and can give our eyes a break too. Too much of anything is of course a problem and the internet is no different. It is just that there are so many different things we can do online, that the actual hours we spend may not seemingly add up when we keep track of them. Do yourself a favor and unplug for a few hours today!